


a flickering lightbulb

by uwuxuxi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin & Huang Ren Jun Are Siblings, Happy Ending, Huang Ren Jun is Whipped, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pining, Platonic Kissing, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Suburbia, Teen Crush, Teen Romance, Unrequited Love, there is so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27091411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwuxuxi/pseuds/uwuxuxi
Summary: renjun’s gotten really good at this since the day he woke up and realized that while donghyuck was in love with mark, renjun himself was hopelessly in love with donghyuck. sometimes, when he doesn’t have to see donghyuck, he can pretend that he isn’t in love with him or that he loves him in the same way that he loves jaemin, or jeno, or shotaro. most times, though, his heart aches every time donghyuck’s nose scrunches when he laughs or he sits and bobs his head absently along with one of shotaro’s vintage prince vinyls spinning on a record player.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 20
Kudos: 171





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a long one and the chapters MIGHT change but i offer you nct's '99, '00, and '01 line shenanigans of teens in love with no idea how the hell to talk to each other. 
> 
> title taken from lightbulb by nct

_ we go like up 'til i’m 'sleep on your chest _

_ love how my face fits so good in your neck _

_ why can't you imagine a world like that? _

_ — imagine,  _ ariana grande

renjun is not surprised to find donghyuck on his doorstep at 10 am on a sunday in a navy blue hoodie that smells too much like gong cha’s taro milk tea to be his own with a miserable little pout on his lips (chapped, hyuck never lets his lips be chapped, says it affects his singing and ruins his overall aesthetic) and his arms crossed tightly over his chest. renjun is not surprised because despite donghyuck asserting for  _ months  _ that he would be fine when mark finally left for college, here donghyuck is. on his doorstep, a hair trigger away from tears. his eyes are red-rimmed and renjun suddenly remembers that he had gone by himself to see mark off to  _ confess _ and a knot grows in his stomach. he doesn’t know what happened yet, but the thought  _ fuck mark lee _ forms in his brain and he doesn’t brush it away. his first instinct is usually right, especially when it comes to donghyuck’s feeling. 

“injunnie,” donghyuck starts softly as he curls his fingers into the too big sleeves of his stolen sweatshirt. his voice shakes just enough that it makes renjun want to punch mark lee in the nose like he’s deserved for literal  _ years  _ at this point but that won’t help donghyuck. it also helped that renjun happened to be absolutely fucking broke and could not afford to hop on a train to beat mark’s ass. 

“sicheng made waffles,” renjun interrupts before donghyuck’s tears start to run over, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and steering donghyuck inside and out of the prying eyes of their nosy neighbors. donghyuck’s purple bike lays haphazardly on the grass of their front lawn, his backpack slumping out at an awkward angle from the garishly painted basket that he and jaemin had tackled while absolutely baked on edibles two summers earlier. it looks as sad as donghyuck does and renjun gives his skinny shoulders another squeeze. “and nana is on his way over.”

“i like sicheng’s waffles…”

“i know, duckie.”

“do you think nana will have candy on him?”

“without a doubt, duckie.”

“can we go to the mall…?”

“of course, sunshine.”

it’s not like they had anywhere else to go during the first days of their first year without mark. they’d spent the last month helping him shop and pack and panic for his big college adventure and whatever free time they’d had away from the chaos was spent in one of two places: the mall or the star maker skatepark. renjun isn’t sure that donghyuck is ready to face star maker without mark’s bright laugh cutting through the conflicting music blasting from all corners of the park, his boisterous clapping punctuating every sharp inhale so all they have is the mall. not that renjun hates the mall. but...it’s a mall. 

sicheng is in the kitchen when donghyuck and renjun make it inside, the phone receiver tucked against his ear as he turns the waffle maker over. the voice filtering over the other end is familiar but not enough for renjun to care as he guides donghyuck down into his usual seat at their breakfast nook and grabs his favorite sunshine yellow mug to pour him some orange juice. donghyuck doesn’t protest being moved, only lifts his head to greet sicheng and get a warm smile in turn. 

“no, taeil, you can’t come over for breakfast,” sicheng says slowly, turning around and rolling his eyes at the teens at the table before moving the phone from one ear to the other and flipping the waffle maker back over to open it. “renjun has some of the little gang over and i don’t want you to be tag teamed by a bunch of alternative teenagers. i will not save you if they decide you are a target, you know this.” it is only partially a lie and they all know it but renjun knows taeil is still whining on the other line, anyways. just gemini things.

donghyuck’s head lifts again at that and a tiny smile curls his lips. renjun gets donghyuck a cup of water when he sees his dry lips pull a little. renjun hasn’t seen donghyuck this upset since his dog died last fall and they were all dehydrated with tears. 

“hi, taeil,” they croon in innocent tandem, smiling as if taeil could see them through the phone and if nothing was wrong at all.

renjun’s gotten really good at this since the day he woke up and realized that while donghyuck was in love with mark, renjun himself was hopelessly in love with  _ donghyuck _ . sometimes, when he doesn’t have to see donghyuck, he can pretend that he isn’t in love with him or that he loves him in the same way that he loves jaemin, or jeno, or shotaro. most times, though, his heart aches every time donghyuck’s nose scrunches when he laughs or he sits and bobs his head absently along with one of shotaro’s vintage prince vinyls spinning on a record player. 

sicheng makes his excuses to get off the phone not long after that and sits a plate in front of donghyuck. he’s as gentle with him as he is with all of their friends but he takes the time to brush a hand over donghyuck’s unbrushed hair. “did mark get out safe?” he asks as he arranges donghyuck’s hair in a way that makes it look just the smallest bit more organized and less like he didn’t get a wink of sleep. it isn’t super effective without a brush or styling product but it was always the thought that counted when it came to comforting donghyuck.

“yeah. he said he’d text once he got fully moved in, so,” donghyuck says and the words are almost convincing in their flippancy. renjun isn’t sure sicheng falls for it but renjun has not spent his entire childhood learning donghyuck’s tells to fall for his bullshit at this point in their lives. “i’m not gonna bother him.”

sicheng’s lips twitch and renjun catches his eye, shaking his head before turning to the fridge and grabbing an iced tea. it’s above his pay grade emotionally, renjun knows this, but that doesn’t stop sicheng from caring.

it also doesn’t stop him from worrying about the safety of renjun’s heart when faced with such a broken hyuck; sicheng is simply going to fret in silence as he usually does. 

**nana:** i ran into sungchan on the way over! he’s coming over with me

**renjun:** how tf did you do that when he lives like 30 minutes away from us?

**renjun:** also hyuck’s here :)

**nana:** oh i don’t like that :)

**nana:** :(

**nana:** it’s about mark isnt it

**nana** : also sungchan came over as i was leaving so he’s driving me to ur place

**renjun:** has it ever been about anyone else?

**renjun:** bitch you live ten minutes away by WALKING

**nana** : you’re deflecting again!!!

**renjun:** shut up. mark’s lucky he’s off to the city or else i’d kick his teeth in

**nana:** at this point, i think we’re all lucky cuz like

**nana:** i don’t know who’s more oblivious. him or hyuck. 

**nana:** i also think it’s embarrassing that sungchan and jisung are the only ones who can drive

**renjun:** no, deadass.

**renjun:** but they’re both oblivious as fuck, match made in fucking heaven, i think. 

**nana:** mark was useful for driving

**renjun:** ur still the only leo ever

**renjun:** when’s jeno getting his license btw

**nana:** hehehe i’m gonna tell dejun you said that!

**nana:** um! end of the month i think!

**renjun:** bet

jaemin lets the conversation about mark drop with that, probably because he can bring it up in person in less than 15 minutes, but renjun is still grateful. he tells donghyuck that jaemin and sungchan are on their way and watches the way that a small sparkle makes itself known in hyuck’s eyes. it would hurt if renjun wasn’t so damn pleased that his shoulder was the first one that donghyuck chose to cry on when most of their friends were a short bike ride away.

that’s a little pathetic, actually. renjun throws the thought into the trash and shoves a piece of waffle into his mouth. 

“is sungchan gonna drive us to the mall?” donghyuck asks softly. his waffles are barely touched and sicheng gently nudges the plate to coax him to eat. “this means you’re off the hook, gege~” donghyuck goes back to his waffles after that, easing both sicheng and renjun’s anxieties about how he was coping. 

sicheng’s smile is fond even as his eyes roll. “thank god, i’m not sure i wanted to have to chaperone you three while you possibly committed crimes in the mall.”

“stealing from hot topic is wholly justified, excuse you,” renjun huffs and sticks his tongue out at his older brother. “also, kunhang does not give a single shit when we pocket things from east meets west. he hates it there.” none of them really know why he works there in the first place but renjun supposes that money is money and easy access to crystals and other aspects of his craft is probably nice, too. especially if he can get his friends to pocket the huge chunks of quartz and selenite he prefers.

sicheng doesn’t argue after that, he only sips his coffee and lets the room lapse into a comfortable silence. his eyes are still focused on donghyuck as if he’s worried that one wrong move would send him into a breakdown. they both know that donghyuck is not made of glass, that he is stronger than many will assume from his childish behavior, but he’s so very upset and renjun isn’t quite sure how to help. it makes the silence a little harder to deal with knowing that despite all of his love for donghyuck, he is out of his depth.

but he also wonders what went wrong when donghyuck saw mark off. he wonders what could have been said to have left donghyuck so...brittle. but those questions aren’t for right now, they’re for a time when there are no actual adults that know them around and boba. typically, they’d go to star maker, sit on their favorite steps and just babble until they made sense of their worlds but...star maker is going to be weird without mark. 

not for the first time this morning, renjun thinks  _ fuck mark lee _ with a fierceness. he loves him, he has been a dear friend for much of renjun’s life, but hurting donghyuck is something that renjun knows he will not easily forgive. 

a honk sounds outside and several others follow in rapid succession, meaning jaemin was banging on sungchan’s poor steering wheel. sungchan is not one to yell, even when jaemin is being a  _ peak  _ manic demon, so renjun walks over to the kitchen window and throws it open to scream for him. “nana, shut the fuck  _ up _ ! we’re coming!”

“move faster!” jaemin yells back, coming out of the passenger seat to move to the back seat of the car; sungchan’s massive truck is great but he also does  _ not _ let jaemin crawl around in it when he could use the door like a normal person. “good morning, sicheng gege!”

“good morning, jaemin,” sicheng says as he comes up behind renjun, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his little brother’s head. “i’m going to taeil’s, let us know if you need anything,” he adds before shooing donghyuck away from the dishes. donghyuck might be  _ like _ family but that did not by any extent of the imagination mean he could do the dishes. “ _ go _ , jaemin’s going to wake up the whole neighborhood and i do  _ not _ want to have to call his parents because our white neighbors think he’s too loud.”

“you wouldn’t call,” donghyuck giggles softly, taking renjun’s smaller hand in his own and pulling him away with a cheerful ‘goodbye, gege!’ and a smile. they stop only to put their shoes back on and for renjun to grab his bag and portable charger before they head outside. sungchan’s white truck has new designs on its passenger side door, their faintest implying that he and his brother taeyong had done the doodles with dry erase markers so they washed away with the rain, and the familiarity of the well loved car brings a smile to donghyuck’s lips. renjun grabs his backpack from his abandoned bicycle and hitches it over his shoulder as the newest taemin album pours from his speakers. 

“your taste is exquisite.”

“always is,” sungchan grins, offering them a wave. “who wants shotgun? i didn’t expect nana to give it up but i  _ guess _ we’re feeling generous.”

“i am  _ not _ buying you churros, you’re such an ingrate,” jaemin says firmly even though all four of them know that’s a bold faced lie. “hyuckie, do you want shotgun?”

the answering silence makes renjun swallow and sungchan freezes from where he’s changing spotify playlists. donghyuck  _ adores _ special treatment, uses it like a plant uses sunshine, but he does not like pity and renjun isn’t sure that he nor sungchan is fast enough to stop donghyuck’s rage. 

a beat passes. then another. jackson wang plays from the car speakers before donghyuck finally smiled and gives a small shake of his head. “i kinda wanna cuddle in the back, you can have shotgun.”

renjun can visibly see sungchan drop his shoulders as the tension dissipates and jaemin beams sweetly before he hops out of the back to return to his seat in the front. their eyes lock along the way and jaemin offers renjun an encouraging smile. he imagines such a thing is easy for jaemin as one half of their group’s happy couple; he hopes for the bests for his friends and wants them to be as happy as he is with jeno. if it was anyone other than jaemin, renjun thinks it would make him sick to his stomach. 

as it stands, he and hyuck make themselves comfortable in the back of the car and renjun finds that he has nothing really to complain about as donghyuck lays his head on his chest and wraps his arms firmly around his waist. it’s easy to just card his fingers through the purple tinted strands of donghyuck’s hair and linger by his temples as sungchan drives off. they’re not quite at peace, but they’re getting there slowly.

☆☆☆

donghyuck knows that renjun doesn’t actually hate mark. renjun is frustrated and has no real outlet for his frustration now that mark is...away.

donghyuck will  _ not _ say that mark is gone because saying that mark is gone means acknowledging that mark might be leaving them forever. mark might stop being a dreamie with them and where would donghyuck be then? the very idea that mark could simply keep them as ‘friends from home’ makes him want to cry.

(thinking about mark at all makes donghyuck want to cry, actually, but he’s got his face in renjun’s chest while renjun sings idly along with the song playing and renjun makes him feel like a real person and not like a husk whose heart was shattered that morning.)

but, yeah, donghyuck gets why renjun is a little tense underneath him and can practically see the gears turning in his head as he tries to make sense of it all. renjun has always been one of the most protective friends in their group, rivaled only by jeno who was much too nice to be of much harm, and even donghyuck knows that renjun’s priorities go: donghyuck and chenle, shotaro, jaemin and jeno, yangyang, and then everyone else. renjun is not above infighting to settle issues and that...frightens donghyuck a little because he doesn’t know  _ how  _ renjun is going to take this information. 

mark didn’t mean to hurt donghyuck, of this donghyuck is certain, but that won’t matter to renjun because at the end of the day donghyuck ended up hurt and that is nearly unforgivable to him. there’s something to unpack there, maybe, but it’s just as frightening as renjun’s inevitable anger when he learns just what happened that morning. renjun just cares a lot.

right? it can’t be more than that.

sungchan is trying to park when they all get the text that mark arrived safely in the city and is starting the move in process and the silence in the car is deafening. sungchan is usually neutral on group problems — kunhang, with hearts in his eyes, said it was because he was an earth sign — but there’s something in the set of his shoulders that’s displeased. donghyuck is now sure that they’re going to have to talk about this.

“i’ll tell him we’re happy to hear it,” jaemin says after another long stretch of silence, tapping away on his phone and sending a stack of emojis. “channie, is it really this hard to park?”

and just like that, all of the tension floods out of their bodies because jaemin’s talent — outside of being unbearable with his aegyo and general loudness — is diffusing situations that the other fire signs in their little group of friends cause. 

“maybe when  _ you _ get a license you can answer that,” sungchan sucks his teeth as he finally gets them into the parking spot, eyes rolling just so but there’s a small smile on his lips. donghyuck guesses that it’s because whenever sungchan drives them, jaemin pays for everything he eats, which is honestly a fair trade for dealing with their non-driving gay asses. 

“should we see when kunhang goes on break?” renjun asks once they make it inside the mall, his hand firmly around donghyuck’s. “or are we just gonna ignore him like usual?”

“is he even working today?” sungchan asks, turning his head once he puts the truck in park.

“bubble tea first, possibly collecting kunhang later,” donghyuck decides firmly, linking his fingers with renjun and missing the small smile that curls on his lips before it’s wiped away. his hoodie still smells like the taro milk tea that mark had spilled on the sleeve before donghyuck stole it and donghyuck  _ wants  _ to get his usual order for a shred of normalcy but his heart aches and the taro milk tea is mark’s and it feels like home in a way that nothing else does. “if he even wants to be collected.”

“if he can marvel at how tall sungchan is i’m  _ sure _ he’s willing to be collected,” renjun mumbles under his breath so sungchan can’t hear and donghyuck giggles behind his hand. sungchan’s obliviousness entertains him, he won’t lie.

if only he wasn’t so oblivious himself.

☆☆☆

_ donghyuck wants to see mark off alone, which no one thinks is terribly unusual. he has always loved mark a little differently than he’s loved the rest of his friends; he’s always clung to him with a different sort of fierceness, tried to kiss him a lot more and just in general crooned and simpered in his general direction as if his life depended on it.  _

_ he doesn’t know how long he’s been in love with mark lee. perhaps he always has been ever since he was seven and mark was eight and mark gave him a black cat bandaid to cover the scrapes on his knees after he fell off his skateboard. all donghyuck knows is that he loves mark lee and needs to tell him. it’s a little surreal to do it, to actually start the way towards acknowledging this fact that all of their friends know. only mark is out of the loop. _

_ so he’s asked, softly and carefully, if he could do it alone. the groupchat –– sans mark, because donghyuck needed to vent without exposing himself and while he would be judged, he knew that they would support him in equal measure –– supported him and encouraged him so he took a breath and climbed out of his bed to go help mark and johnny pack up the truck. _

_ “hey, markie, can i talk to you really quick?” donghyuck asks when johnny goes to check the gas tank and give them the illusion of privacy.  _

_ “course!” mark grins at him as he tosses his backpack in the passenger seat before sitting on the curb with donghyuck. he’s beautiful as he always is and donghyuck wants to kiss him but he settles for leaning against him and hooking his head on his shoulder. mark, to his credit, leans his head against donghyuck’s. “you know i’m going to miss you, right? i’m not going to forget about you guys.” _

_ that is, in fact, a worry that donghyuck has but not why he’s asked to talk to mark. the comfort is nice and donghyuck finds himself melting into mark’s side when his arms wrapped around his waist to pull him closer. “i know you won’t, because we are only like, 2 hours away from you if we let jisung drive.” _

_ mark snorts. “please, don’t let jisung drive. sungchan is the only person i trust behind a wheel in our friend group. and jeno, when he gets his license, anyways.” _

_ “but that’s...not why i wanted to talk to you…” donghyuck whispers, aware that johnny is only a few feet away and only wanting mark to hear this confession. it’s not like mark will make fun of him. “i wanted to tell you something.” when mark hums, pulling away to look donghyuck in the eye, he almost loses his nerve. mark’s lips are  _ right there _ and so kissable now that he’s started using chapstick at jaemin’s insistence. donghyuck truly understands what jeno means when he says jaemin makes him lose all sense of himself when he smiles. it’s like the very earth beneath his feet has been snatched out from beneath him and he’s left in a freefall. _

_ but unlike jeno, who has jaemin to catch him, donghyuck isn’t even sure mark will reach out a hand. _

_ so he takes another deep breath. “i like you a lot, mark, like...a lot. and i know you’re leaving but i didn’t want you to leave without me saying anything to you…” _

_ donghyuck can see the “i really like you too, hyuck” forming in mark’s eyes before the rest of the sentence registers and his mouth drops open into a small ‘o’. it makes donghyuck’s heart sink all the way down into his stomach because never before has mark been so close and yet so far out of his reach. _

_ “oh hyuck,” mark starts and donghyuck looks anywhere but his eyes, fisting the sleeves of the lavender sweatshirt he’d stolen from mark the night before when he knew mark wasn’t checking his drawers as he packed. “hyuckie, you know i love you, right? just...we’re like brothers, you know? it feels gross to think of you like that...oh fuck.” it doesn’t matter how quickly mark regrets the words, they still sting as if mark had slapped him, and donghyuck quickly reels back with his hands held together in front of his chest. “hyuckie, please, i didn’t mean it like that, i don’t think you’re ––” _

_ “stop, please,” donghyuck pleads, standing up from the curb and walking quickly to his bike. he needs to get away from here, he needs to feel safe.  _

_ he needs renjun.  _

_ “just...get there safe. text us, i guess, but you don’t have to.” donghyuck’s brain feels like radio static and all he can think about was getting as far away from mark lee as humanly possible right now.  _

_ “ _ hyuckie _ ,” mark pleads loud enough to get johnny’s attention but donghyuck is already on his bike and on his way, eyes glistening with tears that he doesn’t want to let fall. _

☆☆☆

“i’m going to fucking  _ kill  _ him.” and yeah, donghyuck should have expected this reaction but the fire in renjun’s eyes still catches him off guard. 

sungchan speaks before renjun can continue plotting mark’s murder, his black steel straw mere inches from his mouth as he tries to make sense of the situation. “why did he have to say it like that? like, i’m not gonna say it’s ever  _ easy _ to let someone down but there are better ways to do it. like, the word ‘gross’ should have never left his mouth.”

“agreed,” jaemin says, squeezing donghyuck’s hand. “we know mark’s not homophobic, obviously, considering that his brother is bi and there’s not a straight friend in our circle but...maybe he is? maybe we have misjudged him this entire time and mark lee het? i mean, it’s not an excuse, but…” jaemin isn’t even sure if ‘mark lee het’ is a fact, but he’s willing to put it into the universe if it makes his actions any easier to swallow.

renjun is having none of this, crossing his arms tightly over his chest as he stares daggers into the taro milk tea sitting in front of donghyuck. he didn’t say anything when donghyuck ordered it, and he won’t say anything now, but it’s the closest thing related to mark lee that he can glare at and he’s taking it. “nah, fuck mark lee. text shotaro right now and see if he won’t agree with me. jeno will, too.” 

jaemin gives renjun a look, shaking his head a little. he knows that renjun is right, of course, because shotaro and jeno both readily agree with most of renjun’s conclusions because he’s typically  _ right _ . he’s not even going to factor in how irritated dejun will be on top of this, as well. that is all above jaemin’s pay grade at this point and is beyond him. “okay, so say we agree with the ‘fuck mark lee’ sentiment––” 

“i do not agree!” donghyuck interjects with a small pout, lifing his bubble tea up to sip. he doesn’t even  _ like _ taro milk tea but the taste is comforting. “i do not agree with this sentiment!”

“so say we agree,” jaemin continues as if he didn’t hear donghyuck, which is entirely impossible but the rest of the table lets him proceed, “how are we moving? what’s the plan?” 

sungchan chews on his boba and taps his fingers on his cup thoughtfully. “i don’t think we have one and i don’t think we  _ should _ have one? at least not for right now.”

renjun groans, sitting up a little straighter in his seat. “so...we just let him get away with breaking hyuck’s heart and being extremely dumb about it? you expect me to do that?”

“no,” sungchan answers easily. he  _ knows  _ how renjun is and doesn’t try to change him. renjun appreciates that; he just does not appreciate all the good-natured peacemaking right now. renjun craves violence and the satisfying crack of mark’s nose under his knuckles. “of course not, we hold him accountable while considering the options. hyuckie, how are you feeling?”

renjun realises with a sudden clarity that none of them have asked  _ donghyuck _ how he felt about having his heart broken by someone they all love. 

donghyuck purses his lips into a little put, pulling his cup close to his chin to chew on the plastic lid. “i don’t think we should like…cut him off. he’s  _ our _ mark, what are we without him? but...i’m willing to consider he’s straight even if that…”

“makes it worse,” renjun finishes for him, some of his bluster leaving him in a soft exhale. “if he’s straight, he called you gross and while he might not have meant it to your sexuality, that’s how it feels.”

donghyuck nods, taking a long sip of the boba in front of him as he blinks slowly. the tears are starting to pool up again and he does  _ not _ want to cry. not right now. “i know that he meant it in regards to like...liking me romantically since we’re like brothers.”

“still a shitty thing to say after you’ve confessed, but i’m hearing you.”

“thanks, nana,” donghyuck sniffs, laying his head on his arms to abandon his boba. the taste is cloying on his tongue and is only serving to make him feel worse. “so i just...i still love him, you know?”

“we know,” renjun says, with a flatness that betrays the feelings bubbling under his skin. “so, the ‘fuck mark lee’ is retired for now. but if he says more shit, i’m going to punch him in the nose.”

donghyuck finds it terrible endearing to see renjun threaten mark with a soft pout on his lips, reaching up to touch his cheek. renjun smiles down at him before leaning his cheek into his hand. “and i’ll let you. so, we pretend like nothing’s happened!”

they all stare at donghyuck with varying levels of disbelief.

jaemin is the first to break the silence. “oh, you’ve got to be out of your  _ mind _ if you think we’re going to pretend like mister lee minhyung isn’t the reason you’re sniffling into some nasty taro milk tea. we’re going to tell jeno, chenle, jisung, and shotaro at  _ least _ , dejun and yangyang at  _ most _ because if we tell kunhang he’s going to try to curse him.”

“deserved,” renjun mumbles, but he’s ignored.

“we’re going to talk about it, we’re going to make sure you feel better, and mark is gonna get his shit together, yeah?”

donghyuck realizes that he actually has the best friends in the world. “yeah… that’s okay.”

☆☆☆

**morkly:** hey jeno?

**jeno:** are you texting me because i’m the least likely to bite your head off rn

**morkly:** ...yeah

**jeno:** valid, carry on

**morkly:** how’s hyuck?

**morkly:** like i know i shouldn’t be asking because i don’t have a right to ask but

**morkly:** i really didn’t mean to upset him, jen

**jeno:** i know you didn’t

**jeno:** you’re still fucked up for it, but i know you didn’t mean to say it

**jeno:** however. renjun is gonna bite you.

**morkly:** expected that really

**morkly:** he’s always loved hyuck more than me even if he has that weird thing w shotaro

**jeno:** it’s to release tension and you cannot judge but pop off mark lee-suh

**jeno:** but, hyuck is...okay. like it’s only been a day and he’s cried a little but he’s okay. we’ve got him.

**morkly:** right… you guys got him…

**jeno:** we always have. 

**morkly:** jeno, i don’t want this to be a war

**morkly:** i love you guys, i really do, i just fucked up

**jeno:** i know, mark, but we’re not making this a war

**jeno:** it’s us trying to help hyuck when you’re away

**jeno:** we don’t have to talk about this now anyways, i know you’re trying to settle down

**morkly:** is it okay for me to text you? i know you might still be mad at me

**jeno:** ofc you can still text me

**jeno:** yeah i kinda wanna bite you too

**jeno:** but you’re my friend, mark, and i want you to be okay too

**jeno:** cuz i know you’re not.

**morkly:** ….no, im not. i’ll text you later

**morkly:** hey jen?

**jeno:** hm?

**morkly:** thanks for texting back 

**jeno:** no problem <3

☆☆☆

renjun lays on the floor of shotaro’s room, his lips tingling and shotaro’s warm weight on his chest bringing him back into his body. he’s lost track of how long they’ve been laying there breathing in tandem but it’s cleared his head some. shotaro is soft like this, with his fringe just long enough that it’s starting to cover his eyes, and renjun can forget the rage building under his skin.

until he thinks about it and he wants to punch mark all over again.

“renjun,” shotaro says, rolling over to cover renjun’s body with his own to take in his expression. “i told you not to think about him right now. we were doing so good.”

“yeah, but he’s so fucking  _ stupid _ .”

shotaro is unimpressed, head tilting just so. “and you won’t confess to hyuck, so what does that make you? a genius?”

renjun wrinkles his nose, but he doesn’t protest when shotaro leans forward to kiss some sense into him. it works for a moment as renjun wraps his arms around his shoulders and allows the slow kisses to coax him into floating. shotaro tastes like strawberry ramune and renjun wishes, absently, that he just wanted shotaro. that he loved him like he loved hyuck and could imagine anything more than these leisurely moments together to recalibrate themselves. 

but no, renjun loves hyuck and shotaro is kind enough to help him kiss all of the angst away. 

“so i might be stupid,” renjun admits once they break the kiss and shotaro rolls over so renjun can tuck into his side after putting the needle back on the record they’d been listening to, “but i’m not ‘it’s gross you like me’ and be  _ serious  _ about it stupid.”

“no, that’s very much a mark lee level of stupid,” shotaro agrees and gently cards his fingers through renjun’s hair. “but he was caught off guard, and he never acts right when he’s caught off guard.”

shotaro has a point but it doesn’t stop renjun for leaning up to kiss him and stop this bullying. it’s easy to do this, to be gently pulled closer to shotaro and kissed until their lips were puffy and red, but it’s not romantic. it’s not what either of them want, really, but it’s comfortable and renjun craves comfort when everything in his mind is telling him to lash out and scream. “i still wanna punch him,” he murmurs against shotaro’s lips and swallows his soft giggle.

“and i will probably let you,” shotaro admits and lifts his head to kiss renjun on his nose. “because you and i both know that no one gets away with hurting donghyuck, mark lee and his everything to us be damned.”

this is why renjun comes to shotaro, the gentle understanding and stoking of his fire while also bringing him back to reason. he doesn’t need to say “exactly” because shotaro knows it’s lingering in the air, so he just lays on shotaro’s chest and lets him pet through his hair while the music plays. “i can’t tell him, taro, not now when he hurts so badly.”

“no, you can’t. but that’s okay, you know? you want to give him time to heal, to move on. nothing shows how much you love him like that does.”

renjun sighs, pillowing his cheek on shotaro’s chest and looking at the poster of baby metal on his wall as if it held all of the answers in the world. “you think yuta would let me stay for dinner?”

“doyoung definitely will.” 

ariana grande croons  _ imagine _ on the vinyl off to the side and renjun can, distantly, imagine a world where they are together and these kisses mean more than a way to release their tensions. but the closer imagination, the one that makes his stomach take up permanent residence in his throat is the one where he slides into donghyuck’s lap, shares his space, and kisses him so firmly that everything around them falls away and all that’s left is renjun and donghyuck, donghyuck and renjun, and that’s all that matters. 

but for now, he lays on shotaro’s chest and lets himself doze off until yuta knocks on the door and opens it a crack to let them know that dinner was ready. he doesn’t intrude on them because while he might not completely understand what they do, he respects why they might need to do it. yuta’s good that way. shotaro answers in japanese that renjun only somewhat understands before he’s carefully sat up so they can eat. 


	2. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “so, gege,” he starts once they’re on the road, brow raising into his fringe. he’s very lucky renjun finds him cute and tolerates his seemingly endless bullshit. “still in love with hyuck?”
> 
> dejun pulls his airpods out with a small click of his teeth. “you’re sick and twisted for asking like that, yangyang.” yangyang ignores him and gestures for renjun to speak up.
> 
> “yes, i’m still in love with hyuck. it wasn’t going to stop because i have to watch him crying over mark lee periodically because he’s been doing that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello!   
> first thing to note, there's been a chapter increase! that's mostly because uhhhh this chapter got out of hand and i had to split it in half.  
> second thing to note, welcome some more members of chinaline to the fic! there are a lot of characters here i am so sorry but there are also a lot of neos so...  
> also i still don't have a beta i'm so sorry   
> please enjoy!!

_ the tender gesture says: ask me anything that can put your body to sleep, but also do not forget that i desire you—a little, lightly, without trying to seize anything right away _

_ — roland barthes _

a month later, renjun gets a text from yangyang at 8pm. it drags him out of bed, which is more than anyone else has been able to do recently.

**yangyang:** renjun come downstairs i want to go to target

**yangyang:** dejun is in the car btw

**renjun:** ??? who tf is driving???

**yangyang:** me!!! i got my license!!!

**renjun:** oh PERIOD i’m coming 

**renjun:** omg dejun is home 🥺

yangyang is borrowing his parents’ car, an ugly little thing that only fits yangyang, renjun, dejun, and kunhang because they’re all short, but it serves its purpose as renjun climbs inside and leans the seat back to make himself comfortable. yangyang is not subtle but renjun needs to talk to someone who is not wholly involved with mark about this.

it helps that yangyang is firmly on team “get renjun and donghyuck together if it’s the last thing i do” so renjun is willing to work with him on this. it’s not that renjun really needs a team for this, it’s just that renjun likes knowing that he isn’t the only one who wants his feelings to have a happy conclusion. 

also, renjun really likes going to target during the liminal hours. no one cares when he and yangyang yell in the aisles or dejun belts along to whatever top 40 is crackling out of the speakers or when kunhang puts an absolutely fucking insane amount of candles and teabags in a cart for self checkout and quite possibly only rings up half of them. 

“dejun gege,” renjun coos, reaching back to give him a happy kiss on the cheek, much to yangyang’s disgust. it is not, by any degree of the imagination, renjun’s fault that yangyang wants to kiss dejun properly but renjun has some degree of sympathy for his fellow simp. “you didn’t tell me you were home!”

“i decided to surprise you guys~ i don’t have classes on monday and friday so i’m taking advantage of the long weekend and partaking in the usual shenanigans,” dejun says, his tongue coming out to lightly press against his lip ring. he got it done right before he left for college and it looks just as good now as it did then. renjun envies that, he could never pull one off. “i was also informed that your pining has become worse.”

“boo.” renjun settles back down into his seat and flicks yangyang for having the absolute audacity to laugh. “it’s  _ not _ my fault.”

“pining never is,” dejun says sagely, leaning back in his seat and patting renjun’s cheek. “but we can talk about it in the safety of target, where no one will judge us.”

“i mean, there’s no one to judge us in the  _ car _ ,” yangyang points out as he starts to drive to target. he’s a cautious new driver, which renjun appreciates, but he also has a small case of road rage. “so, gege,” he starts once they’re on the road, brow raising into his fringe. he’s  _ very _ lucky renjun finds him cute and tolerates his seemingly endless bullshit. “still in love with hyuck?”

dejun pulls his airpods out with a small click of his teeth. “you’re sick and twisted for asking like that, yangyang.” yangyang ignores him and gestures for renjun to speak up.

“yes, i’m still in love with hyuck. it wasn’t going to stop because i have to watch him crying over mark lee periodically because he’s  _ been _ doing that.” he notices dejun wince from the backseat and sighs softly, looking out at the cars in front of them. yanyang is playing renjun’s lo-fi beats playlist and it helps him center himself even if it’s difficult. “i want him to be happy and mark’s never done that.”

“but you have,” dejun says with a voice as soft as spun sugar. “you  _ have _ made him happy and you  _ have _ made him feel safe and he just...keeps reaching for mark.” it stings to hear someone say it, someone who has enough distance from all of them to still be objective. “junjun, is it  _ worth it _ ?”

is it? renjun looks down at his hands, at the smiley face written in sharpie in his birthmark and at the friendship bracelets stacked on his wrist. the top one, purple and pink, reads  _ donghyuck _ with a small heart bead on either side of his name. the bottom one, black and blue, reads  _ mark _ . the separation between them is intentional on renjun’s part but is no way reflective of how mark and donghyuck feel about each other. is it worth it, he asks himself again, thinking of the way donghyuck had crawled into his bed that first night and watched howl’s moving castle over and over again until they fell asleep to the score. 

“it is,” he finally answers and lifts his eyes back to the road. dejun rests his hand on his shoulder and squeezes, though his dark brows are pinched in concern. “i don’t need him to love me for me to love him, you know? seeing him smile can be enough for now.”

“you also want to punch mark in the face,” yangyang adds as they pull into the target parking lot. dejun does not approve of this violence but renjun finds himself smiling nonetheless.

“i  _ want _ to break his nose.”

“renjun,  _ no _ !”

“ion know, gege, i feel like renjun has earned the right to punch him in the nose at this point,” yangyang says, shoulders shrugging as they climb out of the car and head to target. “like, i like mark, don’t get me wrong, but like...he’s kind of a dick. and he’s  _ het _ .” 

dejun playfully shoves yangyang as he grabs them a cart and rolls his eyes. “he’s  _ not _ het, i can promise you that.”

that gives renjun pause and he steps onto the front of the cart to look dejun in the eye as he pushes it through the store. “oh my god. how do you  _ know _ ? it’s been the only excuse we could come up with for the whole  _ month _ –  _ dejun _ , did you make out with mark lee?”

“after he called hyuckie ‘gross’, bitch are you out of your  _ mind _ ?” dejun is probably rightfully offended but renjun’s mind is working a mile a minute at this point. “no, he’s been checking out one of the international students in one of our english class and since the guy is from hong kong, i reached out to him for him.”

“why? also, candy aisle first.” yangyang pushes at the cart to get dejun to move in the direction he wants as if he doesn’t already have their oldest friend wrapped around his pretty fingers. “like, why help mark at all?”

“because while i might be petty, i am not  _ nearly _ as petty as you and junjun. do i think mark has karma coming his way? yes, of course i do, but i also think he should be allowed to pursue a relationship that he wants. maybe if hyuck sees him with someone else it’ll be easier for him to move on and realize that junjun has been in love with him this whole time!”

dejun brings up an excellent point and renjun is less irritated by his casual betrayal.

“also, the dude is super hot and i like having hot friends.” ah, there it is.

“so like,” yangyang muses as he grabs the ‘family size’ bag of gummy bears for himself and dumps them in the cart, “do you think mark has a chance with this guy?” 

“i think so, actually. and yukhei is really nice, i’m sure you guys will like him!” dejun says before pointedly staring at yangyang until he grabs him reeses cups from the shelf and drops them into the cart. “and none of that ‘i hate him on principle’ shit, renjun.”

renjun stays silent as he tosses a two bags of blow pops into the cart and lifts his shoulders into a shrug. he probably  _ will _ hate yukhei on principle because that’s just how he is. while dejun sighs, he doesn’t press the issue for now. “can we stop talking about mark?” he huffs and considers a bag of skittles before tossing them in the cart, too. “you’re home and he gets on my nerves. wait, why didn’t he come home with you?”

“he and yukhei have a date tomorrow and he has monday classes. just loser things, i think,” dejun muses and steers them out of the candy aisle once they’re satisfied. “also, i don’t think he’s ready to face you guys yet. i obviously don’t want to fight him to the death so he feels safe with me, which is nice, but you guys are like...well, not openly hostile, that’s not quite the right phrase. i think he feels like he disappointed you all and isn’t quite ready to see you all yet. he’ll be back for thanksgiving break for sure, though.”

renjun thinks about the last time he texted mark a week prior and finds himself wrinkling his nose.

**morkly:** renjun we haven’t spoken in weeks

**renjun:** i’ve been busy, you’ve probably been busy

**morkly:** you’re mad at me

**renjun:** what gave me away.

**morkly:** renjun…

**morkly:** you know i didn’t mean to hurt him

**morkly:** and i know you’re definitely not like pleased that i hurt hyuck but now like

**morkly:** you can ask him out!!

**renjun:** …..bro you are the dumbest bitch i know.

**renjun:** yes, i can ask him out! i want to! but his heart hurts because your dumb bitch ass broke his heart

**renjun:** so even if i did want to ask him out now that you are technically out of the picture, i can’t. because he’s hurting because of you. i have to give him time now.

**morkly:** ...i’m sorry renjun

**morkly:** i know you don’t believe me, but i really am sorry

**renjun:** the thing is, i do believe you’re sorry

**renjun:** but i don’t forgive you because now i have to pick up the pieces you left of him

**renjun:** and it’s breaking my heart to see how much power you hold over him

**morkly:** can i do anything right now?

**renjun:** no, but i fuck with you for trying

when renjun tunes back into their surroundings, he realizes they’re in the bedding aisle which is a sure sign that yangyang is about to make his mother absolutely miserable. he doesn’t need any more pillows or stuffed animals but yangyang is a bit of a nester. “i think...i might be being unfair to mark,” he says after a moment, picking up a fluffy body pillow cover and squishing it between his hands. it’s soft and pink and renjun needs a little more comfort on his bed. “yangyang, where are the body pillows? i need a new body pillow.”

“uh-uh, we’re going to unpack this shit right now,” dejun says, but he lets renjun put the body pillow cover in the cart anyway. “why do you think you’re being too hard on mark now? why not before?”

“because i was so mad at him that i couldn’t see past that,” renjun watches yangyang disappear to find him a body pillow and lets the tension slip out of his shoulders. “he’s still my friend, you know? and i do want him to be happy… i’m just mad as fuck that he hurt duckie.”

“of course you are and no one is faulting you for that, i’m sure he’s still beating himself up.” dejun is kind as always, reaching over to gently ruffle renjun’s hair. it’s a fond touch and does a lot to calm renjun’s fried nerves. “but, you can still apologize for being a little dickhead.”

“if you want to,” yangyang adds, coming back with a pillow that looks like it’s about as long as renjun is. renjun loves it. “you don’t have to do anything since you know good and well that you’re an aries allergic to apologizing.”

“you know what? fuck you, too, yangyang.” renjun huffs and sets the pillow in the cart, too. yangyang vanishes, presumably to get more pillows, giggling like a dangerous little pixie until dejun follows his better judgment and goes after him. unsurprisingly, they end up in the toy section and yangyang has a big sheep shaped pillow under his arm. “i think...i’m going to apologize. hopefully he doesn’t say anything about it.”

if dejun thinks that’s a bitch ass move, he doesn’t say anything about it. he merely sighs and grabs a tamagotchi for himself. and then empties the box into the cart as well. there’s probably enough for all of their friends but renjun sets the purple and pink ones with his pillow cover. 

donghyuck would like the purple one.

**renjun:** morkly r u busy

**morkly:** !! no

**morkly:** okay well i’m supposed to be doing my composition homework but distractions are welcome

**renjun:** ewwwww composition homework

**renjun:** but um

**renjun:** i’m sorry. for being an asshole. 

**mark:** nah, it’s okay

**mark:** i know how you feel about hyuck and i expected you to come for my life

**renjun:** period.

**renjun:** now that i ripped the bandaid off

**renjun:** do you want a tamagotchi 

**mark:** !!! bro is that even a fuckin question

**mark:** do it come in blue

**renjun:** sure do dumbass 

“mark wants a blue tamagotchi,” renjun announces as he slips his phone into his pocket. dejun sorts through the stack and raises one in victory. “and we’re good now.”

“good,” dejun sounds far too pleased and renjun wants to shove him into a shelf. so he does and relishes in dejun’s distressed squawk.  _ justice _ is the sweet sound of dejun complaining about how easily he bruises. 

the final target price is outrageous but dejun, as the oldest and best gege they know, pays without batting an eye. he pays for their starbucks on the way out, too, which renjun thinks is something akin to godliness.

☆☆☆

when donghyuck comes out to help his mom bring the groceries in, johnny is already there to do it and it makes donghyuck’s throat tighten something fierce. he’s always  _ liked _ johnny, the fact that he’s mark’s really hot older step brother notwithstanding, but it’s hard to see him after the thing with mark. he knows that johnny heard every word of the exchange but donghyuck has been avoiding him like the plague ever since it happened so that johnny, with all of his twenty-four-year-old wisdom doesn’t try to make him do something crazy like talk about his feelings.

if donghyuck has to talk about his feelings one more time, he’s going to start biting the people who ask. he  _ means it _ , he’s going to just try and take a chunk out of their arm or something. he does  _ not _ care who it is.

“hyuckie!” johnny is so fucking nice. why is he so fucking nice? “can you hold the door open for a sec, these are the last of the groceries.”

“yeah, no problem,” donghyuck mumbles, holding the door open for johnny and kissing his mom on the cheek when she passes by him. she brushes them off when they move to help her put the groceries away and before donghyuck knows it, he and johnny are sitting in his family’s porch swing with glass bottles of coke. hyuck isn’t exactly thirsty, but it’s something to sip on if johnny asks him some hard questions.

“so,” johnny starts and lightly taps his fingers against his bottle. donghyuck notices a new ring on his finger and tilts his head until he can make out the golden rose sitting atop it. he wonders if johnny and taeyong have eloped. it’s...definitely a possibility. “mark told me that you started texting him again. i’m not sure i would have if it were me.”

“i couldn’t just cut him off,” donghyuck admits before taking a miserable sip. “he’s my best friend even if like, all of our other best friends want to beat the shit out of him.”

“ _ i _ want to beat the shit out of him and he’s  _ my _ little brother. he was wrong for what he said and while i’m sure he’s sufficiently sorry, you don’t actually have to forgive him.”

johnny sounds a lot like renjun with that sentiment but donghyuck also knows that renjun apologized to mark for being an absolute asshole to him. he thinks that renjun did it for his benefit rather than renjun’s own but that...doesn’t make sense. 

or maybe it does but donghyuck doesn’t have the braincells to allocate to figure that out right now. 

“i know i don’t have to forgive him, but i want to. also, who wants to deal with a miserable puppy mark lee in their kkt dms every day? i’m sure  _ you _ don’t.” hyuck deflects before swallowing down some more coke as johnny laughs. he thinks he’s sufficiently distracted him now, which leaves donghyuck to mull over what thanksgiving is going to be like when mark comes back. he knows that most of their friends have actively forgiven mark but he’s still nervous. because there is no way in hell that mark will survive if they fight. donghyuck isn’t even sure he would.

☆☆☆

donghyuck checks mark’s instagram story a week later and feels a little like he’s been sucker punched in the chest. mark isn’t the most active on instagram, never has been, but donghyuck has his post notifications on because he is a fucking simp and wants to make sure that mark is like, doing okay in college and stuff. nothing more. his story is usually a simple affair of videos of him playing the guitar, stuff around his campus, and complaining about his composition homework with dejun but this one…

a boy has his arm around mark’s waist and his lips pressed against mark’s temple as mark absolutely beams at his side. mark isn’t super affectionate, even with donghyuck, who needs affection like he needs air to breathe, and the way he’s leaning into this boy has his stomach rolling uncomfortably. he taps forward to the next picture and drops his phone when he sees them kissing, mark’s hands resting on the boy’s biceps as he stands on his toes to reach his lips. it’s such a sweet scene. it makes donghyuck sick to his stomach.

**taro:** did he just--

**nana:** he sure fucking did.

**chenle:** oh my god. what the fuck.

**jeno:** has anyone heard from hyuck yet????

**renjun:** not yet. fuck. fuck?

**sungchan:** like, we can’t be mad right? but also i’m mad??? he couldn’t have fucking warned us?

**nana:** i thought we covered he was a dumb bitch a month and a half ago?

**taro:** he always manages to surprise us with how dumb he is, though

**chenle:** his man is cute tho

**jeno:** yeah

**renjun:** yeah

**nana:** yeah

**taro:** yeah

**sungchan** : yeah

**yangyang:** yeah

**yangyang:** but cycling us back on topic, go take care of hyuck

**sungchan:** i was driving over there anyway

**sungchan:** someone get him food i’m bringing the halloween candy

**chenle:** on it! jisung has us muted again but he said he’ll drive me to sonic

**nana:** why does my son hate me

**jisung:** ur annoying <3

**jeno:** brat

**jeno:** i’m swinging by to pick renjun, jaemin, and taro up

**jisung:** i’m gonna have to drop chenle off w y’all bc curfew. i hate it here.

**sungchan:** just babie things

**sungchan:** no problem tho i’ll drop him off at home later <3

donghyuck, in moments of great distress, climbs out of his window and sits on his roof to contemplate his life. it’s a dangerous habit that his mother absolutely hates but he’s not going to hurt himself; he just wants to look up at the stars and feel the late fall breeze tickle over his face. there’s a lot on his mind right now, much to unpack, and he’s thinking about throwing the whole suitcase away because when mark lee didn’t like him and he was possibly straight, it was easy to understand and make sense of. this new understanding of mark lee, that he likes boys but still doesn’t like donghyuck is a  _ lot _ harder to stomach than he expected it to be. reality hurts.

for the first time since mark lee broke his heart in the mid-august heat, donghyuck understands the harsh ‘fuck mark lee’ sentiment that his friends were preaching right after the initial problem. it’s...a little freeing to actually acknowledge that he’s upset on more than a surface level –– to sit with his sweater (stolen from renjun, it smells like floral perfume and not taro milk tea) wrapped tight around his body and actually let himself feel something nasty and vicious towards mark.

it doesn’t feel right, because donghyuck hates being angry at any of his friends, but it does feel  _ good _ . better than donghyuck ever imagined it could. he hugs his sweater tighter around himself and tucks his nose into the soft grey wool. renjun’s favorite scent is daisy by marc jacobs and it absolutely permeates the sweater in the best way. it feels like one of renjun’s hugs, like renjun is wrapped around him from behind with his chin hooked over his shoulder while they watch kiki’s delivery service. he wants that right now,  _ god _ , does he want that right now, but he isn’t sure that renjun wants it. 

he’s been spending a lot more time with shotaro recently. donghyuck wonders, with an ill settled tightness in his throat, if they’ve made whatever goes on between them official. if they have, he’s happy for them! he is! but if they haven’t…

donghyuck shakes that thought out of his head because he is a  _ good friend _ and he wants his friends to be happy. he just wants to be happy, too.

“hyuck?” a voice calls from below and donghyuck lowers his head to see sungchan climbing out of his car with a tote bag over his arm. sungchan is nice and likes to cuddle and donghyuck is happy to see him. “can i come up?”

“you gotta come through the house, you know my mom hates it when we’re up here,” donghyuck answers before he lays down on his back and turns his attention back to the stars. he wonders what it’s like and be adored. sungchan offers him a salute before letting himself into the house to greet donghyuck’s mother and make his way into his room. if donghyuck felt better, he’s be embarrassed by how much of a mess it is, but this is sungchan and he’s sure that this is in line with what sungchan expects.

sungchan climbs through donghyuck’s window carefully, his long body graceful as he pulls himself onto donghyuck’s roof to lay beside him. he takes the canvas tote from between his teeth and offers it to hyuck once he’s settled.

“did you bring weed?” donghyuck asks as he looks up at the stars and digs in the bag blindly for the lollipops he knows are hidden in its depths. he pulls one out with a victorious little sound and pops it in his mouth once it’s unwrapped. 

“as if taeyong would let me leave the house with weed on my body? bro,” sungchan snorts and links his hands over his stomach. “how are you holding up?”

“it’s not like butterscotch died,” donghyuck mumbles around his lollipop, arms wrapped around his legs to curl himself into a tight ball. “mark lee-suh, the boy i’ve been in love with since i was seven, doesn’t like me. it’s not the end of the world.”

sungchan nods just out of his line of sight. “doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like a bitch though, huh?” donghyuck only grunts in response, wanting to lose himself in the brilliance of the dead stars that are shining above them. “he still texts,” he says after a moment, as if that will excuse everything. 

“i’d fucking hope so,” sungchan snorts and grabs a resse’s cup from the bag. “renjun’s talking to him again.”

“i know.”

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

sungchan wants to crack that open, to hold the door wide enough thay donghyuck can admit that he’s hurt even if he’s gotten what he wanted, to let donghyuck know that he’s  _ allowed  _ to feel that he needs to  _ feel.  _ but this is donghyuck and sungchan is not renjun. 

it’s a little sad how much their happiness depends on each other when donghyuck simply has no understanding of how much renjun loves him. sungchan hopes for them, he really does. “did you see dejun?”

donghyuck nods and spins the lollipop between his lips. he blinks once, then twice, then buries his face in his knees with a shaky exhale. “why can’t he just... _ want  _ me? what am i doing wrong?”

sungchan hates seeing donghyuck likes this, hates having to gather the pieces mark’s left behind just as much as renjun does, but he works to gently glue them back together. “you’re out of his league anyways, sunshine,” he coos, rubbing soothing circles into his back. “he talks in his sleep and uses 2-in-1 shampoo and body wash.”

donghyuck’s laugh is wet, but it’s a  _ laugh  _ so sungchan counts it as a win. “yeah, yeah, he does…”

“exactly. don’t let a boy who uses 2-in-1 shampoo and body wash get you down. you’re a bad bitch. say it with me.”

“are you deadass?” donghyuck laughs again, lifting his head to look down at sungchan. his lashes are wet, but there are no tears on his cheek. “i’m a bad bitch.”

“exactly!” chenle shouts from the ground, waving his hands widely in greeting. jaemin, jeno, renjun, and shotaro stand beside him. “i got sonic fries and milkshakes!”

donghyuck  _ does  _ have the best friends in the world, actually. “where’s yangyang? and kunhang?”

“grounded and mono,” jaemin says, sipping leisurely on his oreo milkshake. “yangyang is grounded  _ because _ he gave kunhang mono.”

donghyuck isn’t exactly flabbergasted but he’s taken aback. “wait. what about dejun?”

renjun looks pleased. “he probably  _ also _ has mono. that’s what they all get for making out in yangyang’s car after kunhang’s closing shift.”

sungchan looks equal parts disgusted and impressed. “good for them.”

“good for them,” jeno agrees, his hand tucked into the back pocket of jaemin’s jeans as if it belongs there. maybe it does. “are you guys coming down? your food is gonna get cold and your milkshakes will melt.”

“if i don’t drink them first!” chenle cackles like one of satan’s personal guards and it is more than enough to get sungchan and donghyuck down from the roof and on their way out of the house. 

“we’re coming!” donghyuck shouts and lets sungchan climb back inside his room first before he follows suit. he knows what they’re all here for, to distract him from the uneasy feeling in his throat, but he isn’t mad at them for it. they’re here to help, to be his friends, and he knows that in this case, they’re as upset as he is.

he catches renjun’s eye as he steps back into his window, hands frozen on the panes. a constant fire burns within them but beyond that…something soft lingers. it makes donghyuck blush. 

☆☆☆

**nana:** mark lee-suh~

**morkly:** am i in trouble?

**nana:** why would you be in trouble, mark? did you do something wrong?

**nana:** did you, maybe, forget to tell your friends that you have a new boyfriend now?

**nana:** did you forget that lovely piece of information and then post the shit to instagram for us to learn along with all of the bitches you pretend to be friends with?

**nana:** did you forget that hyuck is still hurt and should at least know that you’re with someone before finding it out on fucking instagram? 

**nana:** have you lost your goddamn mind, mark lee-suh?

**morkly:** i didn’t even think of hyuck…

**nana:** yeah, we can tell.

**morkly:** nana, i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hurt any of you guys

**nana:** you’ve been saying that an awful lot and still managing to hurt us every time

**nana:** we want to be happy for you

**nana:** lowkey i still am ya man’s hot and he seems very nice 

**nana:** but it’s getting hard to look past how much of an ass you’re being

**morkly:** i want. to do better nana

**morkly:** i don’t want to lose you guys

**morkly:** i  _ can’t  _ lose you guys

**nana:** are you bringing him for thanksgiving?

**morkly:** yeah, he’s not going back to hong kong until january

**nana:** good, i want to meet him!

**nana:** gotta see if he’s too good for you or not!

**nana:** but text us and tell us. in the group chat. i’m tired of it collecting dust

**nana:** and don’t fuck up again♥️

**morkly:** i will do my best

**morkly:** but i’m gonna text the gc now

**morkly:** i know you’re mad at me but i love you nana

**nana:** i love you too♥️ kisses♥️

☆☆☆

jaemin strokes his hand over renjun’s hair as renjun lays his head in his lap, his nintendo switch held carefully so he could keep manicuring the farm side of his animal crossing island. he’s been playing more aggressively recently, seemingly desperate to take his mind off of mark lee suh and how stupid he’s been. jaemin will not point out that animal crossing is not therapy because for renjun, it seems to be a good coping mechanism.

also, renjun gets scary when he’s playing fighting games and jaemin is  _ not _ in the mood to pop him for trying to throw his switch across the room when he loses against the cpus in smash because his head simply is not in the game.

“i don’t know what he’s thinking,” renjun mumbles as he catches a butterfly before going back to setting down furniture on his farm. jaemin notes that the white silos look nice and really compliment the similarly white beekeeper’s hives renjun is placing – renjun smiles and jaemin counts it as a win to calming his best friend down even just a little. “thanks. but again, i don’t know what’s gotten into mark.”

jaemin sighs, pausing in his gentle petting as he tilts his head to the side. “i think college has gotten into mark. i think he’s changed in a way we didn’t expect because he’s around new people and we only really hate it because of hyuck.”

“i think i’d hate it without the whole hyuck thing, too. he was our best friend and damn near ghosted us for a month outside of when he was trying to beg for forgiveness.” renjun’s nose wrinkles and he lifts his head up into jaemin’s hand to encourage him to keep petting. jaemin is happy to comply. “he’s only started texting again because your unhinged ass threatened his life.”

jaemin huffs and gently scratches at renjun’s scalp. “i did not  _ threaten _ him.”

“you didn’t deny being unhinged,” renjun points out, turning his head to look up at jaemin. audie is following a butterfly around his farm. it’s adorable. 

“i would never. also, look at your peppy daughter,” he tilts his chin down to the switch and laughs as renjun gasps and immediately diverts his attention down. “i’m sure he misses us too, in his own way. he’s just...confused as to how to work with us and be so far.”

renjun gives audie a blue boy he’d been holding for her and they both coo in delight as she immediately puts them on. she’s  _ precious _ . “i’d agree with you if dejun wasn’t being absolutely perfect about the separation.”

renjun...did have a point. dejun had went with mark down to nyu and has been keeping them happily updated with his life and his schoolwork. he’d been doing it even before he started dating kunhang and yangyang so it’s been frustrating to see mark start to ice them out. 

perhaps it’s because mark thinks that they want to ice him out for what he said to hyuck. perhaps mark thinks that such an offense means he doesn’t have a place in their friend group anymore – which is terribly upsetting to jaemin. they  _ love _ mark, have always loved mark, and  _ will _ always love mark and it’s definitely insulting to consider that mark may think that their love is conditional. 

you can be upset with someone and still love them. you can want someone to apologize for their wrong doings and still hold dear and enjoy their company. jaemin just doesn’t know how to make such things clear to mark when he had to vaguely threaten mark to get him to open back up to them again. (yes, he threatened mark. no, he will not admit that to renjun.) 

“i think he blames himself more than any of us blame him,” jaemin finally says and turns his eyes back down to renjun’s switch as renjun started replanting his pumpkins towards the back of his farming plot. they’re lovely, jaemin thinks, and understands why renjun turns to this game when everything else has failed him. “i think he thinks that we can’t forgive him for what he did to hyuck.”

renjun shakes his head, tapping his nails against his switch. the press-ons are very cute, jaemin wants to try a pair next. “actually, i think he can’t forgive himself.”

jaemin does not expect such sympathetic honesty from renjun but it immediately makes sense to jaemin as a certified “mark-lee-suh-thought-process”. “that...tracks, actually. where do we go from here?”

renjun sighs and keeps doing his self-imposed animal crossing tasks. “we stay on our toes and hope for the best, i guess. he’s coming home in about a month and bringing yukhei with him and thar’s...going to be an experience.”

jaemin does not like the foreboding that sentence carries but jeno comes to join their gentle animal crossing date and jaemin allows himself to be distracted for now. for now, everything is mending and all he can do is hope that it stays that way.


	3. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> october passes them by like a blur of chaos and candy and spray painting astronaut helmets to fully complete their among us group costume. the pictures were fantastic, courtesy of johnny and jaemin’s nearly unmatchable camera work and it was, for a moment, very easy to forget all of the pain.
> 
> and then, suddenly, renjun looks at his calendar and sees that it’s november and a date, late in the month, is circled to mark when mark lee would make his glorious return home from college and fall into his friends arms to a warm and loving reception. they’d done it to everyone’s calendars when everything was fine and they only thought that they’d miss mark a normal amount and wouldn’t want to punch him by break.
> 
> unfortunately, renjun now cannot promise that he will not be breaking mark lee’s nose on sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have finally made it to the final chapter of this fic! it's been such a long ride and it is one of my favorite fics.  
> just a note: i am planning on changing it out of lowercase sometime soon now that it's finished but it will take me an awful while because this fic is very, very long. but i thank you for reading it as it is!

_ all your dreams come true _

_ life is beautiful _

_ —dreams come true, nct 127 _

october passes them by like a blur of chaos and candy and spray painting astronaut helmets to fully complete their among us group costume. the pictures were  _ fantastic _ , courtesy of johnny and jaemin’s nearly unmatchable camera work and it was, for a moment, very easy to forget all of the pain.

and then, suddenly, renjun looks at his calendar and sees that it’s november and a date, late in the month, is circled to mark when mark lee would make his glorious return home from college and fall into his friends arms to a warm and loving reception. they’d done it to everyone’s calendars when everything was fine and they only thought that they’d miss mark a normal amount and wouldn’t want to punch him by break.

unfortunately, renjun now cannot promise that he will not be breaking mark lee’s nose on sight.

**jeno:** star maker @ 12:30pm, be there or be square

**hyuckie:** thank FUCK i missed star maker

**hyuckie:** wait mark r u coming

**morkly:** uhhh we get in at 1? can we meet you there?

**renjun:** not you setting him up by bringing him to star maker

**taro:** meet us there!

**morkly:** bet!

**yangyang:** can your big noodle boy skate

**morkly:** no but he’s willing to try

**sungchan:** ballsy, i can appreciate that

**renjun:** literally setting him up for failure

**dejun:** i want u to know that yukhei is laughing so loud rn like he is so enthused by us having no faith in him

**jisung:** well, at least he’ll fit in. i’m not coming tho, mom wants me to help her change out the decorations

**morkly:** ahh mrs. park still has to have the best lawn. godspeed, jisungie

renjun considers his phone as he grabs his roller skates and walks down the stairs as quietly as possible. it’s almost like things are back to normal with them, like the last two months haven't happened at all, but there’s an elephant in the room that’s in the shape of wong yukhei, mark’s new boyfriend. after following him on instagram, renjun has decided that he doesn’t  _ hate _ him; he seems very kind and very excitable and dressed up as a bear for halloween. he’s  _ cute _ . he’s not in the group chat, yet, because they need to vet him and he needs to make it through the gauntlet that is their neighborhood thanksgiving.

there’s also a tension lying underneath renjun’s skin as he thinks about what will happen when they see mark for the first time in months. dejun is with him, ever a reasonable force in the grand scheme of things, but mark has proven that he’s incapable of listening to people who tell him to think about what he has to say. so, yeah, renjun worries. 

he knows things will never go back to normal, they’ve all changed somewhat and much of their love for mark has soured to some degree, but he hopes that seeing mark will activate the dormant affection renjun felt for him before he left. he wants things to be okay despite the underlying rage burning in his stomach. he knew that mark had an interest in someone back when dejun came to visit and he told the group chat so everyone was aware but a passing interest is wholly different from a whole boyfriend.

renjun wishes mark had pulled his head out of his ass long enough to text the group chat. renjun wishes that mark was capable of thinking past himself and his happiness. not that he didn’t  _ get _ it, it’s easy to get lost in happiness, but they were supposed to be more than best friends, something like soulmates. maybe that’s why this hurt so much.

sighing, renjun goes about making breakfast and ignores the anxiety coiling in his gut. 

**taro:** open your door!!!

**renjun:** i’m in the kitchen, back door is open

**taro:** oh lmao hold on

shotaro sets his skates down in the cubby by the door and toes his sneakers off before padding into the kitchen and sitting on the island while renjun scrambles eggs. it’s not hard to guess that shotaro’s ‘renjun sense’ had activated and renjun wonders how long it’s going to take for jaemin’s to do the same. “do you want me to make bacon?” he asks instead of addressing the tension hanging in the air.

renjun nods and makes room for him in front of the stove. “i have biscuits in the oven and rice in the rice cooker so might as well,” he mumbles, sliding the eggs into a plate before starting on more. “taeil’s here.”

“nice.”

“...are we going to talk about it?” renjun asks cautiously, cutting his eyes to shotaro as he works on the bacon. 

“only if you want to. i know better than anyone how mad you are at him right now and why that is. he’s got a power over hyuck that’s hard to break and it’s killing you to watch it,” shotaro says, bacon sizzling angrily in the pan in front of him. “but you want things to be easy for hyuck. you’re breaking your back for him again.”

as if renjun has ever done anything else. “i think it’s dumb as fuck that he’s bringing yukhei to star maker. it’s  _ ours _ and we’re finally okay enough to go again and he’s bringing the main source of our beef with him right now.”

“ _ mark _ is the main source of our beef with him. yukhei is an unfortunate addition to his bullshit.”

“...yeah, you’re right. yukhei hasn’t done anything wrong, it’s just…’taro, i fucking hate this.” shotaro presses a soft kiss to the top of his head and it takes some of the tension out of renjun’s shoulders. he says nothing but the understanding present in the arm around his waist tells renjun all he needs to know. 

**hyuck:** can i come over 🥺

**renjun:** of course!! taro and i are in the kitchen

**hyuck:** nice i’m stealing ur man’s cuddles

renjun stares at his phone for a moment before whispering ‘oh my god’ and showing shotaro his phone. “he thinks we’re dating.”

shotaro blinks and scratches his eyebrow. “so tell him we’re not? junjun, you and i both know we’re not like that  _ and _ you want hyuck desperately. this might just be your chance.”

“shit, yeah. when did you take my brain cells? i want them back.”

**renjun:** hyuckie, taro and i aren’t dating

**hyuck:** ….

**hyuck:** oh

**hyuck:** do you like...want to date him?

**renjun:** no baby

**renjun:** he wants to date sungchan tho

**hyuck:** ohhhh that makes more sense now

**hyuck:** i feel silly but it’s okay is ur back door open

**renjun:** yeah, duckie, always

“you called him ‘baby’,” shotaro teases before yelping as renjun elbows him right in his ribs. “ow! your eggs are gonna burn!”

renjun huffs and moves the eggs around the pan before he lets them slide onto the other plate. there are the soft sounds of the back door opening and donghyuck setting his own skates and shoes down on the floor before he appears in the kitchen in a big cream sweater that renjun does  _ not _ remember him stealing.

“i’m sorry for thinking you’re dating,” is the first thing out of his mouth and renjun laughs softly as he gathers his best friend into his arms and pats his back. “and for stealing your sweater, but i like this one so i’m not gonna give it back.”

“that’s fine, duckie.” renjun wonders if donghyuck will ever learn that renjun will let him have anything he wants of his. he doesn’t even need to ask. “you want eggs?”

“mm, yeah.”

taeil comes downstairs to find three teenagers sitting around the kitchen island with an insane amount of food piled in front of them before laughing softly and wrapping his arm around a sleepy sicheng’s waist. “they’ve multiplied!”

“there are even more of them,” sicheng yawns and offers the boys waves before going to start the coffee maker. “i’m shocked that they’re not all in my kitchen right now.”

“i’m sure they’ll be here eventually,” renjun says with a sweet smile and an offering of bacon. “good morning, gege, taeil~”

“i don’t get a gege?”

“you can get a hyung,” donghyuck grins and reaches his arms out for a taeil hug. they’re famous and taeil is endlessly fond of donghyuck. “good morning~”

“morning~ what are you rascals doing today?” taeil asks after he makes plates for sicheng and himself and sits beside donghyuck – sicheng takes his usual seat across from renjun. 

“we’re going to star maker,” renjun ignores sicheng’s protest of it getting too cold for that and continues as if he’s heard nothing, “and mark, dejun, and mark’s boyfriend should be here by like, 1? so we’ll see how that goes.”

“‘we’ll see how that goes’ seems like a cop out but i respect it. text me if you need back up?” sicheng says as he sips his coffee, smiling softly. sometimes, it’s easy to forget that he’s cut from the same confrontational cloth that renjun is.

“we won’t fight,” donghyuck complains softly, but his voice is unsure. he doesn’t know what’s going to happen, or how any of them are going to react to yukhei’s presence in their dynamic nor how mark is going to react to the change of dynamic. things have changed between them all and it’s unsettling even now to acknowledge it. “it might just be awkward.”

☆☆☆

it certainly is awkward but renjun finds that yukhei fits into their friend group like he was always supposed to be there. he’s warm, loud, and not afraid to laugh at his own mistakes on the skateboard. he doesn’t allow for awkwardness to remain between them for too long, keeps mark on a short leash, and has a car.

renjun likes him.

renjun does not like the way mark acts around him.

it’s not like mark is wholly different with yukhei than is he with their friends and renjun did not expect for him to treat his boyfriend like anything other than a  _ boyfriend  _ but the way that mark tucks into his side, holds his hand, and tries to kiss him mid-gesture. it feels as if mark is staking his claim and trying to prove something to them all.

jaemin, as he sits next to renjun and unlaces his skates with a gentle visible puff of breath, wrinkles his nose. “does it feel as if he’s rubbing it in — is it just me? am i reading into it?”

“no,” renjun answers as he tugs his nikes back on and tightens the laces. “i don’t think he means it but… i don’t like it.”

jaemin hums his agreement and reaches over to put renjun’s skates and puts them next to his own. renjun doesn’t complain, simply watches as donghyuck lets himself get to know yukhei just out of earshot. mark is close by, pretending to distract himself with yangyang and a new trick the younger boy has picked up, but renjun can tell by the tense line of his shoulders that he’s nervous. renjun’s not sure if he should be or not, which is an admittedly interesting position to be in.

donghyuck has in his pretty little hands the ability to destroy mark in yukhei’s eyes and no one knows what he’s going to do with it. 

renjun catches mark’s gaze and raises an eyebrow as donghyuck and yukhei start laughing, the sound echoing around the mostly empty skatepark and filling renjun’s chest with a warm sense of vindication. “he’s scared shitless,” he says to jaemin as he pulls his sneakers back on, lips quirked up just slightly in a smile that makes mark look away. “and he should be.”

jaemin sits back on his hands, legs crossed at the ankles as yukhei completely wipes out on the borrowed board and hyuck laughs again. “do you think hyuck will do it?” he asks, not looking away from the scene. donghyuck is kind, kneeling to help yukhei up between giggles and even playfully scolding the board like it was at fault. hyuck also likes yukhei and the desire to protect those he likes may apply to both him and mark.

“i think we’ll just have to wait and see how far mark’s foot goes up his mouth at dinner.”

“in two fucking days?”

renjun snorts, perking up a little as shotaro skates over to them with hot cider. “taro, do you think duckie will destroy mark?”

shotaro looks back at the rest of their friends, considering them thoughtfully. “if mark doesn’t do it first,” he finally says as he sits down at renjun’s other side and leans over to give jaemin his apple cider. “but that’s not me placing a bet if you’re trying that.”

“oh, never that,” jaemin says.

renjun snorts but doesn’t disagree. if shotaro won’t participate, chenle and yangyang  _ certainly _ will and renjun has been wanting mark to be knocked down a peg since august. 

“mark’s awfully possessive,” jeno notes as they all get ready to leave and chenle’s affirmative hum tells renjun all he needs to know about how the rest of their friends are feeling. 

they’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

☆☆☆

thanksgiving dinner itself, possibly due to the fact that taeyong is the most peaceful person any of them know and won’t tolerate violence at the dinner table even if their parents  _ would _ , is a peaceful affair. there are playful barbs thrown around here and there and renjun isn’t satisfied until mark is sitting on the edge of his seat coiled tightly with nerves but dinner is good. fun, even. 

they separate from the adults after dessert, johnny and yuta both sneaking them bottles of alcohol to bring down into yuta’s basement, and jisung drops down his box of cards against humanity. this, too, is fun and normal. it’s almost enough to make renjun think that nothing is going to happen tonight. sure, mark is settled rather securely in yukhei’s lap for most of the game but they’re all pleasantly buzzed and it’s  _ comfortable _ .

sungchan would later say that they were maybe a little comfortable and renjun, sober and bitter, would agree.

it’s kunhang who starts the game of truth or dare, yangyang’s head in his lap and dejun’s on his shoulder, and it’s playful for a while. mostly dares to chug what remains of the bottle of soju johnny gave them or to do a handstand on a hoverboard — renjun is fucking amazed to this day that jaemin can do that sober, let alone  _ drunk  _ — and truths that are easily answered with “yeah, i jacked off for the first time when i was like, 13? i think.”

and then poor yukhei, gentle and new yukhei asks renjun “who’s your crush?” with the most genuine smile he’s ever seen. the brilliance of his smile is almost enough to release the chokehold anxiety has on his heart right now but almost isn’t good enough. 

and renjun is  _ drunk  _ so his usual control is absolutely gone. “where’s the tequila, i’m gonna take the pass shot instead of answering,” he slurs, wriggling his fingers at dejun who moves to hand it over to him before yukhei whines. 

“junjun! will you answer if they’re in this room?” yukhei is just so fucking earnest and means the absolute best so he doesn’t notice the way that mark’s hackles rise at his side and half of the room goes still in anticipation. renjun can say ‘no’, simply wince through the tequila and call it a fucking night, but the way mark is so fucking tense spurs him on.

“yes,” he says before his fingers curl around the neck of the tequila bottle and he throws his head back to take the shot. “and i can’t tell him because your stupid little boyfriend broke his heart. but i have to forgive him because we’re  _ friends _ . isn’t that so great?”

“oh shit,” kunhang whispers, his eyes flitting between renjun, donghyuck, mark and yukhei. “oh no.”

jaemin’s mouth is firmly covered by his hand and renjun takes his eyes away from yukhei’s dumbstruck expression to look over at donghyuck with a sympathetic little smile. the gears are turning so loudly in his head that renjun is sure that if they were sitting a little closer, he’d be able to hear him connecting the dots. 

“renjun, that’s not fucking fair,” mark hisses, standing up off of the couch he’s sharing with yukhei. his boyfriend’s hand is hovering just below his own, ready to grab him back if he needs to. renjun already knows that he  _ will _ need to.

“life’s not fucking fair, mark,” renjun spits back, putting the bottle down and lifting his hands in a small shrug before he stumbles up. no one moves to stop him just yet. “you haven’t been fair to us and it’s about time that i stop being fair to  _ you _ in return.”

mark’s eyes narrow and renjun knows that he’s hit the wrong nerve but he’s too irritated to take it back right now. he’s wanted to do this for fucking  _ months _ and now that they’re here, he’s not going to hold his tongue. “renjun…”

“that sounds a whole lot like a fucking warning, mark. i  _ dare you _ to finish it.” renjun can hear jisung whisper a horrified  _ oh my god _ over to his left but he doesn’t care. not right now. “go on! you want to warn me, warn me!”

the flint shining in mark’s eyes is all renjun gets as a warning before mark speaks again. “what the fuck did you want me to do, renjun? i don’t love hyuck like you do, i’m not willing to break my back to make him happy like you are and i’m  _ not _ the fucking bad guy for that! if you had the courage to say something a year ago, we wouldn’t fucking be here! instead, you’ve been a cowardly bitch who’s blamed me for the fact that you can’t manage to ask hyuck out.”

silence follows mark’s outburst and the entire room holds its breath as the weight of mark’s words fall upon his own shoulders and his eyes widen at renjun, coiled tight like a spring.

“you fucking  _ bastard _ ,” renjun hisses, still unmoving for a moment while mark takes a small step back, his calf bumping against yukhei’s knee. “how dare you?”

across the room, yukhei and jeno lock eyes and share a quiet moment of understanding before they lift slightly out of their seats. there’s no telling what’s really going to happen, not to yukhei who just got here and doesn’t know anyone, but renjun’s vibrating with rage and the easiest way to release that is to hit.

he’s not going to stop him, even he knows mark deserves it for this shit, he’s only going to stop it from getting too bad.

“ _ you _ dared me,” mark spits back. it’s enough to light the fire. 

and then renjun lunges for mark, fist sinking into his nose with a sickening crunch and shouts from dejun and donghyuck as jeno and yukhei spring into action. jeno gets renjun around the middle, spinning him around as he shouts in vicious mandarin and tries to reach over his friend’s shoulder to claw mark’s eyes out.

yukhei gets mark, pulling him back and internally wincing at the crooked tilt of his nose. he doesn’t think before he clasps his hand over mark’s mouth when it opens again. it’s gotten his boyfriend in enough trouble tonight and he’s not interested in the whole  _ room _ turning on mark because it feels like his list of friends is dwindling fast. 

jaemin is the next one to speak, standing between the split room with eyes like murder. the gray contacts hide none of the anger shimmering inside of him and yukhei subconsciously pulls mark a little further back. he’s heard jokes about jaemin being unhinged and he doesn’t want to test them tonight. “you are a such a punch ass  _ bitch _ , mark lee-suh,” he hisses, taking one step towards them before thinking the better of it. he’s fast and jeno is occupied with renjun, whose fight has flooded out of him in a wave of tears. 

yukhei isn’t sure anyone else would stop him. he doesn’t think they want to.

jisung and chenle are gone, jisung screaming for johnny while chenle simply follows his best friend to get out of the tense basement. yukhei can’t blame him, not with mark bleeding over his hand and down the sleeve of his sweater.

“renjun,” he calls softly, completely fine with being ignored, “i’m sorry.” yukhei knows he stumbles over the mandarin just a little bit but it’s enough to get renjun to look at him and nod once. he’s not apologizing for mark’s sins but for opening a door he had no business opening in the first place. 

yukhei hopes they can all forgive him for the part he had to play tonight.

“mark?” johnny’s voice comes from the top of the stairs but it’s not long until he’s in the basement with them, sicheng, taeyong, and yuta close behind him all with varying levels of disappointment on their faces. “jesus fucking  _ christ _ , mark. what did you say?”

“why do you assume i did anything?” mark’s voice is muffled by the blood and yukhei’s hand so he moves it, drawing a gasp from taeyong who rushes to get him napkins to clean the blood away.

“because  _ your  _ nose is broken,” yuta says helpfully, crossing his arms over his chest, “and you’re all the way over here while renjun’s crying across the room. the story is easy enough to assemble.” 

mark has nothing to say to that and blinks his own tears away as johnny comes to inspect his nose. yukhei looks away as taeyong cleans his hand off and catches part of sicheng and renjun’s hushed whispers. he thinks renjun is asking to go home as he’s transferred from jeno’s arms to his brother’s, head burying in sicheng’s turtleneck as he sobs softly. 

yukhei can’t apologize enough. 

“yukhei?” taeyong draws him out of his own head and offers him a small smile. “we’re gonna take mark to the hospital, do you want us to drive or…?”

“i can do it,” yukhei says softly, resting his hand on mark’s shoulder and giving it a small squeeze. “it’s fine, you can meet us there?” he doesn’t hear johnny agree but taeyong nods with another beautiful smile and they’re leaving the basement with mark clinging to yukhei’s sleeve for dear life so he doesn’t fall over or apart on yuta’s stairs.

they’re going to have to talk about this later.

☆☆☆

donghyuck sits on the floor, his entire world changing around him, and all he can hear are renjun’s soft sobs just feet away as he’s held tightly in his brother’s arms. sicheng is soothing him in soft mandarin that donghyuck can only partially understand but donghyuck knows that it’s not enough, not after the wounds mark tore open in renjun’s chest.

_ i don’t love hyuck like you do _ . mark had said, something vicious burning in his eyes before regret flashed over them much too late to make any difference.  _ if you had the courage to say something a year ago, we wouldn’t be here. _ the words were meant to hurt and they  _ did, _ they’d dragged renjun over hot coals, but they also provided donghyuck with a clarity he hadn’t known before.

while donghyuck was in love with mark, eyes only on the one boy who would never want him the way that he wanted him to renjun sat there with open arms and heart, ready to catch donghyuck every time he fell. he always went to renjun because renjun was always there with comfort hidden in sharp teases and gentle kisses to his hand. whenever mark was gone, and he’d been gone so very often, renjun would be at donghyuck’s door with a smile and a “sicheng said he’d drive us to the mall, get dressed”. 

donghyuck is the dumbest fucking person in their friend group. he’s dumber than  _ mark _ , which is saying a lot after the way mark showed his ass tonight, and he cannot believe that he’s been hurting renjun for this long.

he’s been hurting him when he could have been kissing him and how stupid is he for that?

“renjun,” he says softly, standing up before he realizes what he’s doing and gently taking his best friend’s hand. “injunnie, wait..” renjun’s face is miserable and tear stained when he removes it from where it was hidden in sicheng’s chest and something breaks deep inside of donghyuck’s chest. he has a part to play in this, he knows he does, but he also has the power to stop the pain. “can we talk?”

“donghyuck, i don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” sicheng sounds upset, which is understandable, but donghyuck is not going to take no for an answer.

“no, i  _ have _ to talk to him. renjun?” renjun’s hand tightens around his own and he slowly pulls himself out of sicheng’s arms only to be pulled into donghyuck’s own, donghyuck’s lips pressing a soft little kiss onto his temple. “i’ve been so  _ stupid _ .”

“not that stupid,” renjun whispers against his cheek, arms right around donghyuck’s shoulders as he relaxes for the first time since yukhei asked that fateful question. “i think i was stupid for not telling you.”

“yes,” donghyuck agrees easily, petting through renjun’s cotton candy hair. it’s so soft, like renjun wrapped up in a matching sweater vest, like renjun when they go on their morning bike around the neighborhood. 

like renjun every time he looks at donghyuck like he is the very sun in the sky giving him life. donghyuck doesn’t know how he could have been this  _ stupid _ . all of the clues have been in front of him this whole time. “you know, i was jealous of shotaro for a while. he got to kiss you and i didn’t realize that was the problem until like, a week ago.”

renjun laughs weakly before he stiffens, quickly pulling back so he can look donghyuck in the eye. “wait, what?”

“shotaro got to kiss you. you never let me kiss you, not even like this,” donghyuck kisses his temple again, smiling softly as renjun leans into the touch just so. “and he got to  _ kiss _ you. i didn’t realize how badly i wanted that until recently.”

“...you’re not just saying that?” renjun’s voice is so unbearably small and meek and donghyuck pulls him in just a little tighter as if that will help him stay together. it won’t do for renjun to fall apart when they’re so close. “hyuck, i  _ swear _ … i broke mark’s nose, i’ll break yours, too.”

“no, you won’t,” donghyuck says softly as he peppers delicate kisses down renjun’s cheek.

renjun sighs softly, one hand gently cradling donghyuck’s nape. “no, i won’t,” he agrees. “donghyuck, are you going to kiss me?”

“are you going to let me?” donghyuck asks and presses a featherlight kiss to the corner of renjun’s lips. 

renjun doesn’t answer, he simply turns his head and catches donghyuck’s lips in a proper kiss and it…

it feels like coming home.

it’s a kiss that carries years of scraped knees, beach trips watching the sunset, and long nights spent counting the stars on donghyuck’s roof. it’s renjun drawing constellations on donghyuck’s back. it’s donghyuck staying up to watch moomin with renjun when they should be studying for a chemistry test. it’s everything donghyuck could have wanted and more. 

it’s perfect even if it tastes a little bit like tears.

“i’m sorry it took me so long,” donghyuck whispers to a small cheering section of the friends left in the room, his hands locked in the small of renjun’s back. “but i want you to know that i want you, too.”

renjun’s laugh is like bubbles and donghyuck can’t resist kissing him again. “finally, fuck...”

☆☆☆

there’s a small cast on mark’s nose when donghyuck sees him on sunday before he, yukhei, and dejun prepare to leave to go back to the city. the bruising is pretty bad for a drunken punch and while donghyuck is sympathetic, he’s still  _ very _ impressed with both renjun’s aim and the fierceness with which he punched mark. they sit on mark’s porch, hot cocoa in hand, and donghyuck watches mark fumble for words.

“yukhei took renjun to the mall,” he says eventually, fidgeting absently with an obsidian ring on his finger. “he doesn’t think renjun’s forgiven him.”

donghyuck takes a slow sip of hot cocoa. “it’s not yukhei that he’s mad at, but yukhei’s too nice, i think,” he says, looking over at mark. “much too good for you, how  _ did _ you get him?”

mark huffs out a laugh before groaning and tipping his head back. it must hurt like a bitch still. donghyuck wishes he felt bad. “ _ fuck _ … honestly, i don’t know. i’m surprised he’s still with me after this,” he admits quietly, holding his mug between his knees.

“he loves you. love makes us forgive a lot of things we usually wouldn’t.”

mark looks up at him, taking donghyuck in like he’s something new and curious to study. maybe he is. “do you forgive me?”

“for what thing, mark? there’s a lot you need to be forgiven for,” donghyuck points out without a shred of kindness, licking whipped cream from his upper lip. “but if you mean breaking my heart, yes. i do forgive you. i don’t forgive you for what you said to renjun on thursday and i don’t think i will for a while. are you okay with that?”

“are we still friends?” the question surprises donghyuck enough for him to look over at mark. he’s nervous and squirming just a little and donghyuck realizes that despite all of his college bluster, mark  _ doesn’t _ want to lose them. he still loves them dearly. he just lost himself along the way.

that, donghyuck knows, is a forgivable offense. 

“we’re still friends,” donghyuck says finally, holding his hand out for mark’s and smiling when he takes it firmly in his own. “but renjun and i  _ better  _ have the best gifts. your mom can have a better one but we have to have the second best, you got that?”

mark doesn't laugh but he clearly wants to and donghyuck considers that a win. “yeah, i think i can do that.”

“good. you guys leaving tonight?”

“we should, yeah… are you going to see us off?” his tone suggests that he knows this is a lofty request to make of donghyuck and by extension renjun, but donghyuck finds himself considering it.

“i’ll have to see how renjun feels when he and yukhei get back,” he says, squeezing mark’s hand. “but if he doesn’t want to, i still might.”

“thanks, hyuck…”

“you’re welcome.”

☆☆☆

renjun knows yukhei is terrified that renjun hates him. he can see it in every anxious flap of his hands and in every too wide smile but he doesn’t know how to soothe him and it’s a little unnerving to have this much power over someone renjun doesn’t want to hurt. yukhei is as kind as he is tall and renjun kind of wants to pet his head as yukhei parks his expensive car close to the mall’s entrance. it’s not as crowded as it would have been two days earlier and he’s grateful for that. “yukhei,” he says before the taller boy can move to get out of the car. “i’m not mad at you.”

yukhei pauses, his hand hovering over the buckle to his seatbelt before he sighs and leans back. “i feel like you should be,” he admits as he frees himself from the seatbelt. “if i hadn’t been dumb enough—“

“you didn’t know that asking that question would have prompted all of that. and i was a total ass for what i said to mark.” it’s not hard for renjun to admit that to yukhei, which is surprising but not as surprising as the fact that it’s true. he provoked mark to snap and then broke his fucking nose.

not that renjun regrets it, of course, but he accepts responsibility for pouring the gasoline that mark later ignited. “you just had the misfortune of walking into a friendship in the midst of a stupid fight that could have been avoided.”

“i  _ guess _ ,” yukhei frowns and renjun hates that expression on his face. it doesn’t suit his handsome face. “i’m still sorry, though. i wish he  _ told _ me.”

renjun wishes mark had told yukhei, too, because bringing him into the lion’s den like he did was absolute fucking bullshit and another clear example of how mark lee doesn’t know how to use his brain to communicate effectively. “i wish mark did a lot of things differently but here we are. i hope he learns.”

yukhei snorts and opens his door, prompting renjun to do the same. “i think the broken nose is a hell of a motivator,” he says and the wry smile on his lips makes renjun grin.

yeah, renjun really likes yukhei. he hopes that no matter what mark ends up doing that he and yukhei can be friends. 

“let’s get boba,” renjun says as they walk to the mall, checking his phone. “so we can properly welcome you to the friend group.”

yukhei blinks several times before a smile brighter than the sun lights up his face and he holds the door open for renjun. “you mean that? really?”

“hell yeah. you’re great  _ and _ we need more friends who can drive.” renjun’s probably going to have to challenge jaemin to a round of rock paper scissors to figure out which one of them is going to have to get their license. he’s not going to lose, of course, but the game will be fun. 

“i don’t mind driving!” yukhei chirps and renjun lets yukhei take his small hand in his much larger one as they walk through the mall to find the boba place they favor. 

“you’re cute,” renjun says absently as yukhei not only manages to find the boba place without much prompting but also pays for renjun’s drink with no hesitation. he really wonders how mark got yukhei but imagines that dejun’s ability to make anyone sound like they were the best person on earth had a lot to do with it. 

**taro:** wya sungchan and i miss u :<

**renjun:** yukhei drove me to the mall and bought me boba :>

**taro:** oh shit period!

**taro:** does he still feel bad?

**renjun:** i told him i’m not mad at him but i think he still feels a little guilty

**renjun:** we’re gonna go see kunhang if y’all wanna meet up

**taro:** yeah! yukhei’s cool i like him

**taro:** sungchan likes that he’s taller than him

**renjun:** that big bitch is taller than everyone he’s not special

**taro:** that’s what i said but apparently the fact that we’re dating does not allow me to bully him

**renjun:** that’s such a lie 

**renjun:** don’t let him keep you down taro

“hey, shotaro and sungchan are coming to meet us,” renjun says and stabs his reusable straw into his drink. “sungchan apparently likes being taller than you.”

yukhei considers that as he chews on his boba and twists his straw in the cup. “honestly, the fact that he’s taller than me is so hard to wrap my head around? johnny, too!”

renjun notices yukhei really fits well into their friend group once they collect shotaro and sungchan before going to harass kunhang at his job. he learns their jokes and their habits easily and is easy with his affection. how they met him is unfortunate but renjun hopes that they can keep him.

he hopes he can forgive mark, too, if only for donghyuck’s sake. besides, he does owe mark for finally making it possible for them to get to where they are now. 

☆☆☆

renjun sits in donghyuck’s lap, lips moving slowly together as donghyuck’s cold hands try to wriggle their way under his sweater to warm up against his heated skin. “don’t you dare,” renjun whispers, reaching back to grip donghyuck’s wrists without breaking the kiss. “i will cut your hands off.”

“but then who’s going to hold your hand?” donghyuck counters, nipping at renjun’s bottom lip and laughing softly as he huffs in displeasure. “that’s what i thought.”

christmas is two days away and they have to be downstairs in an hour to greet dejun, yukhei, and mark. renjun, while absolutely devoted to dejun and yukhei, is determined to be late purely to make mark think that he’s still mad at him. he’s irritated, sure, but mark will not be getting punched this holiday season.

or so donghyuck hopes. renjun makes no promises in that regard.

“jeno can hold my hand. shotaro, too, and jaemin,” renjun counters as they kiss again, his grip on donghyuck’s wrists loosening so they can interlace their fingers.

“don’t talk about them while you’re in my lap.”

“then don’t say such stupid things, duckie baby,” renjun crows, leaning in to steal another kiss and swallow donghyuck’s sweet smile. “there are plenty of people who will hold my hand, but none of them are you.”

donghyuck hums into the kiss, letting go of one of renjun’s hand to wrap his arm around the waist and pull him closer. “exactly.”

hyuck doesn’t know how long they have until one of their friends shouts their arrival or until xuxi pounds out a beat on his horn outside only for sicheng to swear at him in mandarin but he doesn’t care. he can’t make himself care with renjun in his lap and one of renjun’s pretty hands curled into his sweater vest as they kiss each other slow and sweet with jhene aiko pouring from the speakers around them.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/faeriedoyoung)   
>  cc


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